Home Again and back to work

Home again.  In some ways, I felt I had to make that trip to NYC just to prove to myself that Ralph was really gone.  On Saturday, I did something a bit over the top, which was to go by his offices.  Not finding him there was . . . convincing. 

I am back at my desk and come Monday, I’m just going to plunge back into the work.  I promised him months ago that This Time, I would not be late with the manuscript.  I may be a bit less visible on the internet for the next few months.

I’m still processing a lot of feelings and thoughts.

Our parish priest always says that if you know that eventually you’ll be okay, then you can realize that really, you’re okay now, too.

I’m working on that.

Robin

7 Responses to Home Again and back to work

  1. Hello Robin,

    First of all, I’d like to say that as a person who only recently discovered your work in the fantasy field, I find your writing truly wonderful. Thank you for creating such interesting worlds to play in, and fantastical characters to love/hate/both(!) 😥

    I came to your site this morning, to see if you had book recommendations of your own, only to discover you had lost someone near and dear to you. You surely have my condolences.

    And no, I’d disagree that you’re “ok right now.” Sounds like pop psychology to me, an attempt to comfort where no comfort can be had. Not unusual, and always well intentioned, but always awkward and never ringing true.

    I know that you haven’t reached the age you are (no offense – I imagine I’m older than yourself) without some very painful losses/deaths. It sounds like you may be in a position to take your time with the healing. It’s not a bad idea.

    Wishing you the best,

    Another fan.

  2. If, as he wished, you will deliver the manuscript on time, it means that, indeed, he is still here.

  3. Well Christian, no he is not here any longer, but certainly memories of him are. Death happens to all of course, and there’s really no point in trying to drag dead people into the equation when it comes to how you will live your own life. You may say “well, this person wanted me to do/be x, y, z, therefore in order to keep a promise, I will do it.” The question is, why? If you truly *want/need* to do/be it, then it is a goal of your own rather than another person’s (including and especially dead persons.) If there is an afterlife, do you truly believe that there’s nothing else for Richard to do than hover over Robin – lovingly – and encourage/inspire her to finish the manuscript “on time?” I think the guy would have something else to explore.

    Another fan

  4. Hm. I have to disagree.

    It has nothing to do with to whom I made the promise. What this is about is keeping my word. If I pledge to my dying mother that I will take good care of my father, after she dies, am I free of that pledge? If I promise to take some kids to the zoo, and then get a ‘better offer’ lunch invitation, am I free to break that first promise? If I am, then, really, what does a promise from me mean?
    When I see people who make a promise, and then don’t keep it, it lowers my estimation of the person. Doesn’t matter to whom they made the promise,or when, or why. “A promise made is a debt unpaid,” as Service said in his poem.

    I’ll keep my word. Once I start waffling on promises, who can believe anything I say? Who would want to do business with me, or depend on me in life?

    Gotta walk your talk. 🙂 That’s just my way of seeing it.

    Robin

  5. 🙂 Nice to “meet” you, Robin.

    Funny you should use the dying mother example. My mother died when I was 25. At her funeral, I promised her I would take care of my older brother, who is mildly retarded, emotionally disadvantaged. He is mostly functional as far as day-to-day necessities, though his physical health is not good either, and he requires a limited amount of home health care. But there is difficulty here and there with respect to relationships, particularly ones which involve the rare calculating person(s) who try to take advantage of him.

    He totally shrugged me off. He did not want any oversight. His independence asserted itself and he is mentally better (in all ways) than he ever was.

    Did I fail to keep my promise? Yep. I could have pushed it, but I didn’t. Any manner of unsavory and even dangerous events may have befell him, plus he lives out of town. Instead, he developed his own strength and resiliency, and more smarts about who and who not to trust.

    Promises of this magnitude are hardly comparable with the ones we make about taking the grandkids to the zoo. I keep those – but rarely do I make promises at all. I tend to qualify – my health is not the best either, and if I’m having a bad and painful day, I may not be able to make it after all. Does this make me an untrustworthy, dishonest, or wishy-washy sort of person? I hope not.

    But yes, I agree about walking the talk – at the same time, restraint of pen and tongue has much to do with avoiding actual promises that I feel I may not be able to keep. True that I’m a qualifier, as the promise I made as the tears dripped into my mother’s casket was not kept, regardless of the reason(s) why. This is part of my experience.

    At any rate, in the case of losing Ralph, you seemed heartbroken and needing time to process. At least that is the impression I got from your notes. However, I suppose it was pretty presumptuous of me to suggest allowing yourself more time.

    And – how can I know what drives your superb writing skills? Perhaps your grief, and the promise you made, will turn out a work that surpasses what you might have written beforehand. 😀

    I’ll look forward to your next creation. In the meantime, once again, you have my condolences. Write on! 😉